MEN

Well for me Men are a broad subject......Fathers, Brother, Uncles, Friends, Husband, Sons, , Brother in-laws, Bishops, missionaries, Bosses, grandfathers, father-n-law, nephews...etc. Men encompass just about every part of my life in one way or the other.

I am going to start my post by declaring what I have found in my life that I do not like about certain men...

Obsession over money, leaving peanut butter on butter knives after making a sandwich, how bad they smell when they have worked out really really hard,whiskers on the bathroom sink and counter after they have shaved, not listening, how bad they can smell up a room, taking up the whole bed even when it is king size, being a little to ruff sometimes, thier tempers, chauvinistic tendencies, arrogance, leaving shoes out to trip over, wet towels on carpet or wood floors, leaving the doors open, complaining,lying, justifying, food on thier clothes and not caring, doing yard work in thier socks, walking outside in thier socks, wearing nice clothes to do dirty work....well my list isnt too long and alot of it is trivial...


I know now I have to write the things I like about certain men too....

Well let me see....smiles, eyes, arms, legs, chest, the way I am looked at with total love in thier eyes, the way they smell when wearing cologne, dressed up in a suit, playing sports (any), how silly they are with little children, how tender they are with thier children, standing up for what they believe, how hard they work, how much they sacrifice for thier family, when they serve God, playing with the children, surprise gifts brought home no matter how small, making the bed, understanding, did I mention the smile and eyes and arms?, well shoulders too, being appreciated, being the man! Letting me be the woman! LOL

I Have a husband, I have 4 sons, I have 1 brother, I have 5 brother-n-laws, I have a father n-law, I have several nephews and cousins that are male. I have numerous male friends. Sometimes I just want to get away from men! But as I ponder it more and realize how much I really do have no chance of that and that I really appreciate what men can do, what they do and how much of an influence they have in my life, I breathe a little easier.

Men can hold the priesthood here on this earth. The priesthood is the power of God on this earth. It is a sacred responsibility for men. A righteous man is a most beautiful thing. I have no problem with all of the trivial in the presence of a righteous man. As a women I feel it is my duty to live as a helpmeet to my husband by his side leading and guiding together in righteousness. That is my goal and hopefully as I strive to become that woman and my husband strives to become that man we will indeed become each others King and Queen and I will feel honored by him and him by me. That makes me feel all the best feelings for men!

So my thoughts today are on men....they way they act, the way the look, what they do...through it all it all boils down for me to this.....I love a righteous man, an honorable man, a man that is not afraid to stand up for his beliefs, not afraid to be vulnerable when needed, not afraid to be wrong on occasion, not afraid to work hard and not afraid to love the Lord more than anythng or anyone!

HOPE - FAITH - GRACE - TESTIMONY

2nd Nephi 31:20 - Wherefore, ye must press forward with a "steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward feasting on the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord's tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yeild adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance. (David A. Bednar)

1Nephi 1:20 - .......But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of thier faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.

In the atmosphere of faith and testimony, we can find hope that begins to to awaken us to the mercy and power of God. If we attend meetings, pray, be active and ponder and apply scriptures we will see our own miracles begin to happen. We will find ourselves blessed with the grace of Jesus Christ.

GRACE - divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

AMAZING GRACE:

Amazing grace! How sweet the soundThat saved a wretch like me!I once was lost, but now am found;Was blind, but now I see.'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,And grace my fears relieved;How precious did that grace appearThe hour I first believed.Through many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,And grace will lead me home.The Lord has promised good to me,His word my hope secures;He will my shield and portion be,As long as life endures.Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,And mortal life shall cease,I shall possess, within the veil,A life of joy and peace.The world shall soon dissolve like snow,The sun refuse to shine;But God, who called me here below,Shall be forever mine.When we've been there ten thousand years,Bright shining as the sun,We've no less days to sing God's praiseThan when we'd first begun.

Our Saviour Jesus Christ has provided a way for us. We are not alone. When we become willing to replace trust in ourselves with faith in the love and power of Jesus Christ we will find the strength we need to overcome the temptations that do so easily beseech us. We can find peace and solace from our pains, fears and trials. I have a testimony and I have the hope that my Lord and Savior will deliver me. After all I can do...follow the instructions he has given me, then his grace will lead me home.

Some days are so hard because I rely on me or I call a friend or get busy and avoid. Really letting the knowledge of who I am and really letting the power of the atonement into my life causes me to rejoice. Really rejoice. To feel "real" love with no judgement is the most amazing experience. Makes me utterly and completely HAPPY!

COdependence

Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. [1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.[1] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.[1].

Denial patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low self-esteem patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Do I have all of the characteristics outlined above? NO!

Am I codependent? Yes. Can I overcome this? Yes. Is it going to be easy? NO!

I do not like that I am Codependent and have many of the characteristics outlined above. I do not have the control characteristics as much but I do have some of them. I deal daily with this. I sometimes am so overwhelmed with it that my anxiety sky rockets so high that all I can do is cry. I want to be free of it and I know that the only way to overcome it is to put it in the Lord's hands. Not literally. I know I have to do my part. Study the scriptures, pray, serve and have faith that the Lord is there for me. Every step of the way. I have HOPE..
In Mosiah 4:9 it says: "Believe in God, believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprhend all the things which the lord can comprehend."
There are many things that I do not comprehend. But I BELIEVE in God. I do falter and my doubts creep in but I know that the Lord has compassion upon me and patience toward my imperfections. In Mark 9:24 it says"Straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." Finally, this is a journey for me...a trial...a test. I can only do so much and I can only go so far on my own....the Lord and his Grace will make up the rest. In Hebrew 4:16 "Let us....come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need"

LIVING OUTSIDE OF THE BUBBLE

I am a rule follower. Not that I have been a perfect person.....But I like rules. If you do this, then this will happen and you are safe and you are promised this and you have direction.....and your life will be this....Well that is the bubble that I "thought" was gonna be my little life...crossing my I's dotting my T's. Well Heavenly Father has a different life for me. He wants me to have trials. He wants me to be humble. He wants me to have faith. He wants me to live outside of the bubble. I have had slap you in the face wake up moments that have burst that bubble and now I am living outside of the bubble. Just when you think you get an understanding of something then another slap...In moses 1:10 is says , "It came to pass that is was far the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man: and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed" When I myslef realized I am nothing without God I began to understand more, not completely, but my dependence and strength that I need from him to accomplish this life of trials. To let go of pride and seek humility... In Alma 26: 11-12 is says, " Yeah, I know that I am nothing: as to my strength I am weak: therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things". I am grateful for my trials...without them I would not be able to let go of pride and seek humility and in return develop a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father . Liek Nephi stated in 2 Nephi 4:18-21 : " I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. "and when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins: nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. " My God hath been my support: he hath led me through mine afflections in the wilderness: and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. "He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh".

ANNOYED

Do you ever wake up and your just annoyed? I do. Today is one of those days. Ok, I might as well get it off of my chest...so maybe the "annoyed" status will fade away into the darkness. I am annoyed at me..annoyed at my lack of progress. I want to make every day count (thats what I told my son to do yesterday). Moving forward each day with a goal in mind. I talked to my father in law some time ago and we were talking about this earth life and what is the most challenging for us. He said for him it was just co-existing and getting along with other people and thier views, opinions, habits and such. I thought about it for a minute and I totally agreed. I dream about being in a state of peaceful bliss where people do not effect me...that I can go on in my daily life and not be derailed by someone else. It is not possible. I have tried. It is just not possible. So should I bouy myself up once again and believe IT IS POSSIBLE? Or do I remain in this ever constant state of eradic-unpredictable-chaotic world?

AM I REALLY FORTY SEVEN?

I heard it all my life..."Your as young as you feel". I look in the mirror and think, " is that really me?" When did I get that old? I watch my children go through certain situations and think, "was it really that long ago for me?" Life travels way faster than my mind does for sure. I really still think I am young. Of course my children don't. Ha. I used to think I need to try to look younger and be up with the times...looking at the youth and wishing I still "looked" that young. But I have matured in this area and think, " Those young people better hope they look as good as I do at my ripe old age of 47"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BUT ALL I WANT IS PEACE!

How can my life be eratic, unpredictable and chaotic....when all I want is peace.....Well I have come to the conclusion that some people just have peaceful lives with whomever or whatever thier lives are intertwined with. My life has always been entertwined with unpredictable, eratic people, places or things. lol. But ultimately the best times are the peaceful times when I will reading, or studying scripture and a thought will come to my mind that will entlighten my understanding in this world in which I live and then yes then the peace will be there. I treasure those moments. I have a friend who has a picture of her praying...now that is peaceful. Walking on the oceanshore is peaceful. Do you ever feel like you live in a life where you don't fit in? I do. But hey I chose it as Dr. Laura has said.